I'm in a race all by myself,
I look to family to provide some help,
But it seems to be a demand.
I need to feel as if I'm worthy,
To really be called a man.
I can not work, I'm often moody.
No one understands.
I do not like the way I am,
It makes me very sad.
The way my mind works sometimes,
Makes me very mad.
I can't express the way I feel,
I just want to be a part.
But the battle that wages inside my mind,
Will never let me start.
I have such love inside of my heart,
I can't show the way I feel.
If they could see past scars of a thousand battles,
They would know my love is real.
To be the way I used to be,
Would often seem so great.
But the visions I deal with every day,
Tell me it's much too late.
To lie in bed and wonder,
At every little sound.
When's the bad guy coming,
My house, he's finally found.
I know deep down there's no one there,
I know I have to stop.
Is this the price I'd pay for the job,
When I chose to be a cop.
Why can't I lie my head down?
Why can't I rest and sleep,
Without the fear of what I've seen,
Coming forth to reap.
How do I tell my little son,
I'm afraid of dark and night,.
While telling him not to be afraid,
Of anything in his sight.
To me a hug is golden,
A kiss is like a prize.
God, help me overcome this thing,
And heal my tortured mind.
© Kevin Hale firstname.lastname@example.org